Beautifully Broken

by Jalexus McClendon

I found myself recently facing disappointment. I found myself not getting the desired outcome of a situation. What I thought was suppose to be something was now nothing and I found myself in a state of brokenness. I found myself questioning the pain of it all and taking full blame for it. When I say blame, I don’t mean in a positive taking accountability type of way but rather in a “something must be wrong with me, I failed and because I failed, this equates to me being a failure”, type of way. My mind immediately was flooded with negative thoughts and my emotions began to be a reflection of what was going on in my head. I began to isolate myself from others, I began to step away from my normal routine, and found no joy in what I normally would because I had became so caught up in the pain of what had just happened. I lost my appetite and was unable to focus at work. Instead of praying more and reading my Bible more, I also stepped away from God, creating distance between us. Ultimately, I was allowing my moment of brokenness to turn to darkness.

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. – Revelation 3:20-

This was not the first time in my life that my heart was broken and I’m aware that it would not be the last. This was not the first time I found myself consumed by negative emotions and affected to such a degree that it impacted everything around me. The thing about being in this place before, is that I’m aware how to get out of it! I said earlier that I seemingly created distance between myself and God. The keyword there is seemingly! As we see in the verse above out of the book of Revelation, Jesus is at the door. He is at the door with a desire to be invited into our lives, into every situation we face, and most importantly He desires to be in our hearts. Deuteronomy 31:6 tells us “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” We must know that no matter what we have going on in our lives, there is nothing that we can do, and nothing that we face, that can cause our loving, caring, Heavenly Father to turn away from us. If we ever feel distant from Him, it is because we have moved or turned away from Him. He desires to be close to us. We did nothing to deserve His love and can do nothing to lose it.

In moments of feeling brokenness it is easy to allow it to turn to darkness. Negative thoughts can consume you. Many times when we face loss, grief, or disappointment, we begin to feel discontent with ourselves and ultimately our lives. We may get caught up in the trap of comparison as we look to our right and our left, scrolling on our social media timelines at the highlight reels of the lives of others. John 1:5 reads “And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.” Time and time again, I am able to turn to God’s Word in moments of brokenness and darkness. According to Psalm 119:105, His Word is a lamp to my feet and a light on my path. His Word illuminates where I am currently and where He wants me to go.

Often times our lives can be so packed with routine of doing this and doing that. The habit of going here and going there. In doing so, we often leave no place or space for God. The broken moments in our lives are the perfect opportunity to get closer to God! They can bring us down but sometimes down is the best posture to be in! The posture of humility is one that requires full submission to God. It is a posture that says Lord it is me standing in the need of prayer and a touch from you in this moment. Psalm 34:18 tells us that the Lord is close to the broken hearted and He saves the crushed in spirit. As we cast every care and every broken piece of shattered identity due to insecurities at His feet, He heals us.

 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

-Psalm 147:3-

God created us with emotions meaning He is not ignorant to the fact that we have them. No one asks to feel hurt, upset, or angry. These are difficult emotions that we experience as a response to the events that happen in our lives. These are emotions that we are able to freely express to our Father. I want you to keep in mind what I just said. We have emotions as a response to events that have happened to us. I mentioned earlier that because I failed, I equated that to myself being a failure. This is not the case and what happens to us does not define us! We must not allow the feeling of brokenness to make us feel as if we are broken, inadequate, or anything less than what God created us to be. Experiencing loss, grief, or disappointment does not disqualify you from your God given purpose and many times is necessary to take you into another dimension of your destiny!

Brokenness is necessary! Jesus understands brokenness. He was left alone, left by his friends, and knows what it feels like to be rejected. He experienced the ultimate brokenness in His death on the cross. An action that was not for anything He deserved but for the remission of our sin, and so that we could have life everlasting with God. It was a selfless act and it required Jesus to not only literally die, but to also spiritually die to His want as He submitted to God’s will. In pain and anguish Jesus cried out ” “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Brokenness is necessary. Like Jesus, a lot of what we go through is not even for us, but for the benefit of another person. We learn, then we position ourselves to be a blessing to as we share of God’s faithfulness to someone else needing the encouragement and reminder as they deal with the same thing or something similar.

If you are experiencing a season of brokenness, or when you find yourself in that place, I challenge you to have a positive perception about it. I pray that you realize being broken before God, is vulnerable, but it is beautiful. My prayer is that you never leave from being in need of God, and laying everything at His feet. I pray that you realize God is with you as you go through and that the purpose of your brokenness will far exceed any pain that you may be feeling.

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